I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
