he puts the penis in happiness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
