o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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