So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
