you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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