I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
