I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
