today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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