Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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