why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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