There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize