i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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