peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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