$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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