We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
