he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
