The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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