Your face is a jimmy john
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
