You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
