There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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