im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
