a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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