I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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