There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
