are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
