ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
