I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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