When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
