I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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