So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
