All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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