i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
