Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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