Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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