I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
