Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize