hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
