found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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