Just fell off a train. Bad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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