Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
