I heard we made out
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.