worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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