I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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