we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
