whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
