I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
