she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
