Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
