kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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