just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
