He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
