I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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