He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
