i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
