6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
