I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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