Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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