a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
