I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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