so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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