she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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