i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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