bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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