apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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