this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
