last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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