i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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