she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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