this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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