It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
