So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she told me i tasted like america
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
