the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
